First-born

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Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not of you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
- Kahlil Gibran


I was the oldest of two girls in my family. In our extended family, I was the first grandchild of three on my father's side; the third grandchild of 8 on my mother's side. Growing up I did feel a responsibility to set a good example, and I'm not sure how I came to that - whether I was told at a very young age to be one for my sister or if I decided all on my own to take that path. I do think first -born children have it a little rough as far as parents being more strict, and having more expected of them. I was scolded for not being more mature quite often, just because I was olderthan my sister, at whatever age I was at. I did feel loved, especially being the first grandchild for my father's mother. I know my mother's parents loved us too - yet their attention was spread much thinner in the larger family.

I can't say that I know what I'd do differently if I had it to do over. I don't really like to think in those kind of terms. I wonder if I have children if I would deal with them differently knowing what I know. I'm not sure if it is possible to treat the first-born in a different manner - as the parents have a learning curve. If I did have more than one child, I'm not even sure if it would be wise to do things differently than what was done to me just to be doing things differently. I want to do what is the healthiest and wisest thing to do. I know I'd do as much research and reading up on raising children as I possibly could.

My close friends tell me I'll be a great parent whenever I try to discuss these kind of things.

2 Share your thouughts:

Sarah said...

JA,
I love this quote...it is on eof my favorites! i have really been ejoying reading your blog, just set one up myself! thanks for the motivation!
hugs to you sweetie!
SARAH
OH YEAH! i could hear you, what did i do wrong?

Marjorie said...

JA...I think your preception that first borns are held to a higher standard is right on the mark. With our 3 children our oldest was, like you, held up to a higher standard. As the children came we became more lenient. I don't know if it's because as you get older you let more things *slide* as a parent. My youngest got away with much more than the older two. Every once in a while they remind us of this. *smiles*